Thursday, July 14, 2011

Surro...whoops! SUPER moms

I have been thinking a lot about what an amazing thing surrogacy is, and what an amazing person it takes to be a surrogate.  Amazing hardly seems like a strong enough word right?  I mean it is more than just creating parents out of people who are desperate for that honor.  It is more than devoting a year or more to help someone else’s dreams come true.  It is truly about creating families.  Is there anything more loving and incredible than that?  Since we have started this journey I have been reading a ton of different types of blogs about different types of families and how they are created.  I have read gay parenting blogs, adoption blogs, and surrogacy blogs (from the perspective of both SMs and IPs).  And I just had no idea how amazing these women are. The experiences and journeys that lead these women to surrogacy are as varied as the experiences and journeys of the IPs they are working with.  The one thing that is a constant is the generosity of their souls.

Lately I have been getting asked lately how much this process has cost us.  I start explaining about the cost of all of the tests and about the procedure itself and I realize pretty quickly they want to know how much we paid our surrogate.  This question pisses me off.  First of all I don’t see how this is of any relevance.  From what I have read from other surrogacy blogs money is absolutely NOT the reason, and if money were the primary motivating factor the amount wouldn’t be worth it.  The state we live in prohibits compensation for surrogacy, and only recognizes and allows “compassionate surrogacy” (as if ALL surrogacy isn’t chock full of compassion).  It’s funny how we as Americans take everything down to dollars and cents.

I am incredibly lucky.  I am able to watch Megan grow every day.  I get to see her, touch her belly, and watch as her hair and skin get more radiant every day.  I know a lot of IPs don’t have this luxury.  I am reminded each day as she passes me to go to the bathroom (again) of the amazing spirit she has inside of her.  To be doing something so huge for us… well as you already know overwhelms me with love.  And as an added bonus this binds us forever and ever, which means she can never escape me.  AND I didn’t have to keep her chained up in our basement!!  I am of course kidding.

To all of the surro moms out there, whether through traditional or gestational surrogacy, you are all angels.  Thank you so much for your incredible love and strength!

I mean really... have you EVER seen a cuter pregnant belly?!?


  1. Awww. You kinda sorta made me tear up a little. <3 And I'm not even pregnant YET!! ;)

    I love this post and I am sharing it with all of my surro-sisters in my Facebook group.

    I think it's wonderful that you get to see Megan every day. You are very very lucky!!

  2. Ahhhh you had us at "Super" . . . actually you had most of us at "Super" for me it was the part about not being able to escape :)

    And FYI- you better not get stingy on the Megan Belly Pics, because you're right that's an adorable belly . . . and I know adorable bellies! ;)

  3. Wow, what a lucky surrogate you have to have intended fathers as attentive as you. It's wonderful that you have such a great relationship.

    From the surrogate point of view I have to say it's not the "how much do you get paid" type questions that bother me that much. It's more the "how can you do that/I could never do that/won't you be sad/no seriously, how can you do that" stuff that's offensive. Maybe that's just me though.

  4. love all of this. you guys and Megan sound adorable. Thanks for sharing such a sweet post:)

  5. Such a sweet post! Makes me wish our IF's were closer to us. I agree with you about the financial questions, it gets old. If being a surro was just about the money they certainly are not getting paid enough for the year + of "work". I wish more people could see that it is an act of love and compassion.

  6. You ladies are all awesome!!! Thank you so much for your blogs and your stories. It really helps us to have a better understanding of the other side.

  7. ok, beyond tearing up, you are so awesome, thanks for your insight on being Fathers to
    *could someone please past the tissues, I can't reach around my belly*
    Joanne GS due Aug/11 with twin boys :)

  8. Wow! Thanks to Andrea, I came across your blog. I am prego with triplets right now and let me just say, great post! How could I not follow your blog after that post? You brought me to happy tears...and I don't think it was just the hormones. Megan is a lucky girl to be going through this journey with such great Dads.

  9. Joanne, that is SO exciting! Congratulations!! Heidi... TRIPLETS?!? Wow... we were originally thinking that we were having multiples due to Megan's HCG levels, Hope you are well!