Tuesday, July 5, 2011

6 Degrees of Separation on Middle Ground~ Tony's Post

Tony here.   Being a 44 year old gay man it’s been a massive change to prepare for the arrival of our precious one.   The change inside my own head has been enough, but the world around us is changing too.   New York becoming another state for Gay Marriage.    I never thought of it happening anywhere in my lifetime, so maybe baby will have two parents who are married, not a “Marriage Light” solution.   Now if the IRS would get in line….

Hey, By The Way…… This timer clock thingy that Mike has put on the blog is wrong slightly.   I’ll be asking Megan to hold on another couple of weeks so I can get another coat of paint on something.   I’m thinking February instead of after Thanksgiving for the baby.   I’m so glad she’s understanding and flexible about this whole “childbirth thing”.

Back to the changes inside my head.   I think the transition there is the most significant.    For many many years I’ve been a Party Dog.   Seriously.    Yeah, had to quit that.    Amsterdam for a circuit party, Sydney Australia for Gay Marti Gras, New York for…., well, let’s not discuss New York in my party days.   It’s long, and I don’t come out well in the story.

Suffice it to say, I’m not sure what this all looks like to Average Joe Citizen.     Let’s begin the hyphenated portion of my descriptor.    Gay-Former-Marine-Public-Safety-Employee-Clean-And-Sober-Soon-To-Be-Papa.    If we were in Mississippi or Alabama I think they’d just put us in jail.   Are people happy in those states?  Can we just pave it over with asphalt and build a really good theme park?  Six Flags anyone???

Papa.    You know that first 10 seconds after you wake up from that really really cool dream, then you realize it wasn’t real?    I still feel that when I say, “Papa”.   But it’s real.

The “6 degrees of Separation on Middle Ground” is the part where I still don’t know where we’ll land in all of this socially.    We know MANY straight people who don’t care we’re gay, and are excited for our baby.   We know MANY of our gay friends that are going to be “fists and elbows” to hold our little tyke.   AND we have our gay friends that convey, although without words, that we should have gotten the dog and Louis Vuitton luggage instead.   And I continue to have problems dealing with that part.   Having a baby is NOT for everyone.   But from the first time Mike and I talked about it, I knew it was right.   It was a defining moment.    I have no doubts.

But I realize that people come and go into and out of our lives.    And starting a family ushers in this transition.   As a gay man I never knew I’d have to deal with Pampers and baby spew, instead of fabulous cocktails and sumptuous dinners at the newest restaurant.    Or vacations in Key West.   Sigh.

Sometimes I get a little sad, but I know if one door closes, another one opens…….



  1. As the parent of a two year old, I can tell you the cocktails never go away...they dwindle in number quite a bit but after an hour of arguing toddler logic (and screaming) about why I won't be trimming her fingernails tonight, they do have a place after the little tyke goes to sleep! (IF she goes to sleep...)

    You guys will do just fine!

  2. LOL, thanks Bobby!! : )

  3. OMG Tony!! 44?!?