Monday, July 11, 2011

Out of the gutter...

I debated about posting about this, because this blog really isn’t about my recovery from drugs and alcohol, but then I realized that it’s my blog and I can post about whatever I want.  Today is my 6 year AA/NA “birthday”.  This anniversary is always a really emotional time for me under normal circumstances, but this one is especially so because of everything that has happened this year.  I am pretty much filled with gratitude for having survived my addiction, repairing my relationship with my family, regaining my soul, and getting my life together on a daily basis.  This year what I am the most grateful to my recovery for is not having to take my children hostage in my addiction.  That is absolutely not a judgmental statement for those addicts who did have to.  It is just a statement of gratitude.  This baby and any other children that come into our family never have to see daddy loaded, or suffer the lack of my presence because of drugs.  I have heard stories from recovering addicts who are not so lucky.  They have to live with the fallout from those fractured and decimated relationships with their children.  I cannot even imagine. 

I have been doing A LOT of reflecting and it seems to me that everything in the past 6 years has been to prepare me for this.  In learning how to live without drugs and alcohol, and to change my irrational belief systems, and behaviors, I have been prepared to be a better son, friend, brother, cousin, nephew, and finally partner.  And now I get to be someone’s dad.  Wow… that just blows my mind.  That God, Allah, Mother Nature, the Universe, Janet Jackson, whoever is your higher power, trusts me with this little soul.  The fact that something about me was worth saving, and now something about me is WORTHY of being someone’s dad… it’s mind blowing and humbling to say the least.

I know the last two posts have been pretty heavy.  Thanks for sticking in there.  

19 weeks and BEYOND Gorgeous!



  1. My husband is two years sober from a lifetime of drinking. I call his date that marks the change in his life as his birthday because it's a new life. Happy for you!!!

  2. Congratulations on another sober year! The high you'll get from being a Dad is above anything you could ever experience! Best wishes.

  3. Lovely post. Congrats on your birthday, every year is an awesome accomplishment! I'm one of those parents that have had to heal fractured relationships and it's very difficult. I've found it impossible to heal all the hurts in a childs heart but I thank god every day for allowing me to try.