Monday, October 31, 2011


I love the fall!  I love everything about it, the way the leaves change and fall, the crisp air, the beginning of the holidays, and the pumpkin flavored…well… ANYTHING! 

The coolest thing about future autumns is that we will always be reminded of this time waiting for Zoey to come.  These are the last days Tony and I will be just two!  I can’t believe it!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor Megan, Tony and I have both subjected her to our “drills” to make sure that even if our phone is on silent HER phone number rings through.  She has been VERY patient with us.  Megan and I text several times a day, but rarely do we chat on the phone.  So the other day when her ringtone came wailing out of my phone and it wasn’t a drill I almost peed myself!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

35 weeks... wait... what?!?

Megan, her mom, and her aunts threw Tony and I a baby shower yesterday and it was awesome!  As if we weren’t blessed enough with this surrogacy!  It was so much fun and her family is as warm and loving as she is.  Tony and I were both beyond touched.  My mom, aunt, and cousin all came too, and it was nice to watch our families mingle.  How amazing that there are soo many people waiting to love our daughter!!  Megan looks absolutely beautiful, but she’s definitely and understandably ready to go! 

I think I must be nesting.  I spent the ENTIRE day scrubbing, washing, organizing, and packing.  I couldn’t stop!  After Zoey is born Megan, Tony, me, and Zoey will all be staying together for a week at a suite.  It’s a period for us to all transition.  Megan is our family now and one of our very best friends so it’s not like we won’t be spending a lot of time together after the transition.  So everything is ready now we just wait…

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Update from yesterday

I just wanted to leave a little update, yesterday I wanted to get the pictures posted in a hurry.  I sort of feel like I didn’t do the whole experience justice.

First of all, I am fairly lucky in the fact that Megan and I share an office and see each other every day, baby Zoey hears my voice all the time, and I get to feel her movements every day.  Tony doesn’t get that time, so he spent a lot of time and energy into recording us talking to Zoey and reading her stories.  Megan plays them through the belly buds every night.  That way Zoey will know both of our voices.  It also seems like every time Tony is around, and Zoey is moving and kicking, she calms down as soon as he tries to feel (secretly I am hoping that this will always be the case and this is all it will take to calm her).  Yesterday, besides hearing that she is healthy and well nourished, seeing the 3D pictures was amazing.  The fact that she was SUPER active and Tony got to feel her acrobatics was the icing on the cake.

I love watching his face when we talk about her, or when he knows she is safe and loved.  You would have to know my big strong “bear” of a husband to fully understand the impact of seeing tears of joy run down his face.

Those cheeks… I can’t wait to kiss those cheeks.  I expected her to be cute, I guess I was really unprepared for her to be absolutely breath taking.  We made that.  The three of us (and a team of Doctors, nurses, and lab technicians) made that happen.  WOW….

Monday, October 24, 2011

3-D ultrasound!!!

So we went to have the 34 week ultrasound done… complete with 3-D and 4-D.  We are SO incredibly grateful to report that Zoey is perfect!  She is healthy.  Megan is healthy.  Life could not be any better!  She is beautiful.  We knew she would be, but seeing how clear her face is on the picture was MIND BLOWING, Tony and I both cried.  I could never have anticipated how in love I am with this child.  I am so grateful. 

Zoey is ALREADY 6 lbs... SIX POUNDS with SIX weeks to go!!!  HOLY MOLY!

Here are some pics, they are not scanned, they are a pic of a pic, so I apologize, but I couldn’t wait to share them with you!

She is so incredibly beautiful


Thursday, October 20, 2011


We are getting DOWN TO THE WIRE!  Tony and I took a baby boot camp type class this week, it was very cool and we learned a lot!  Of course we were the only gay couple in the class, luckily we live in a pretty progressive part of the country, although I did feel like some of the women were looking at us and thinking “Wait… they don’t look or speak ANYTHING like Mitchell or Cam”.  Tony and I both deviate from what I think most people think of when they think of gay men, being is that we are both SOOO butch.  Okay, okay I am slightly less butch than Tony, I’m more “soft butch”.  OKAY fine!  I only LOOK butch, regardless as we were leaving the class I could tell that some of our classmates were feeling slighted or robbed that we didn’t say anything particularly witty, or at the very least catty (well out loud anyway, secretly we judged everyone in the room).  I feel like I have some good experience with babies, and I am constantly reading the safe baby websites, however I STRONGLY recommend this class to anyone who is about to be a parent for the first time.

Tony and I went baby clothes shopping too… Look I love him, but shopping is just not his strong suit.  He BARELY buys himself new clothes (as is evident by the PILES of clothes I had destroyed that were from 1982).  Until recently I have noticed that he has like 6 T shirts and 2 sweat shirts he REALLY likes and rotates wearing them, I tried hiding them under stacks of BRAND new shirts in his drawer.  He DUG them out.  So shopping for little girl outfits was definitely challenging for him.  While I am breezing through the aisles throwing anything cute into the cart, he is evaluating each and every item of clothing and wanting to know what exactly it will look like on our princess, and how he will be able to get to the diaper, what it is made of, what item will go with what item, etc.  AT FIRST I was getting annoyed with him and then it HIT ME… this big tough former marine/firefighter guy was standing in a BABY CLOTHING store trying to process something that would be akin to me being trapped in an auto parts store or being forced to difuse a bomb.  He stepped WAY OUTSIDE of his comfort zone and SHOWED UP.  That is ONE of my favorite things about my husband.  He always shows up, even when it’s hard or difficult.  What a gift that will be for our daughter.  He will always show up for her.  Oh and I am proud to point out that since I brought his lack of clothing diversity to his attention, he has RARELY worn the same outfit twice in one week!  

Zoey is on her way.  I simultaneously CAN’T WAIT and feel unprepared.  However, what I know is she has plenty of clothing, shelter, and TWO papa bears to love and protect her.  We have each other, so I guess maybe we ARE ready after all.

33 weeks 4 days

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

33 weeks 3 days

Hi Zoey, Papa again.

You're hearing our voices alot more now, Mommy Megan is wearing the BellyBuds and sending bedtime stories and Vivaldi to you.    We worked hard on that, 'cause we wanted you to feel safe and used to our voices before you arrived.

Daddy insisted we get more clothes for your first growing months.   Suffice it to say, you're going to be styling those first few months.    We'll probably lose a few to spit-up and poopy, but there's ALOT of backup clothes.    We should've tipped that forklift operator....

Daddy and I went to a newborn care class the other night to hone our skills a bit on taking care of you those first few weeks.    The doll baby was very compliant as I diapered and re-diapered it.   I just KNOW you'll be that helpful, and won't wiggle at all.    We got to see what to expect with your diaper changes.     Having peered into a box of newborn and first months diapers, I think we'll save time by using a "diaper gun".    There's guns for drywalling in construction, shirt guns for passing out shirts to attendees at stadiums, why not a diaper gun?    It LOOKS like a weapons magazine when you open a box of diapers, hundreds and hundreds of diapers all in a row.    Otherwise Daddy will get tired changing all of them.    Six a day....Sheesh!!

Your next ultrasound is coming up, and we'll get to see how you're doing, and even a little of what you look like right now.   It's been many many weeks since we last got to see you, but we know you've been swimming around pretty good all along.   Mommy Megan can attest to it.  

There's so many details before you arrive.    I myself have to stop, breathe, and focus that this is all about you.    I looked at Daddy during the newborn class, for a while actually, and saw how READY he is for you.      I could see in his eyes he was dreaming about you, already taking care of you, and planning your days.

I spoke with a friend that you were our little girl.    His comment was between his boys (sons) and his daughter, his daughter had him wrapped around her heart.    He always is ready to "jump in" when she neeeds something.     Being a Former Marine my chest puffs out and stiffens as I tell myself no baby will run me down like that.     My heart says different.      It says "That's our little girl......".


Friday, October 14, 2011

32 weeks 5 days!!!

Dear Zoey-

32 weeks 5 days!  Your Papa and I are in a whirlwind of activity trying to make sure that everything is ready for your arrival.  Papa has been working so hard with the crew to make sure that the house is ready and safe.  He loves us both so much and wants us to always be safe and happy.  I cannot wait to see you and him together.  You are already his entire world.  We have decided to keep the apartment for the first month or so after you are born, just to make sure that everything at the house is done. 

I am so excited I sometimes don’t think I am going to survive the next few weeks!  You have been my dream for so long and we are just a few weeks from meeting each other.  Everyday my heart expands more than I thought possible.  I vacillate between intense excitement and overwhelming panic.  I want to be the best daddy I can be for you.  You, my princess, are a blessing and deserve to have the best parents.  I promise you that I am going to be the very best daddy I can be.  I will absolutely make mistakes.  I am going to make you mad, embarrass you, and frustrate you to no end.  And I am going to love you, protect you, comfort you, and be present for you.  Every day.

Megan says that you are super active and are definitely making sure she knows you are in there.  Wait till you meet her!  She has kept you safe and taken such amazing care of you.  She will never know how grateful your Papa and I are to her for making you a possibility for us.  We definitely could not have picked a better person to be your mama.  Thats YOU in there!!!

Thats YOU in there!!!
Megan just pointed out the poster in the background.  How fitting, I love our office!

We went to see the midwife yesterday and everything is going well.  Now we will see her every two weeks instead of monthly.  Your heartbeat is music to my ears, so strong, so alive. 

I love you Zoey.  Keep growing, I will see you soon.

All my love,

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Miracles can be yucky too

Megan, Tony, and I had our ALL day birth class this weekend.  The class itself was awesome and really helped all of us to feel better prepared to develop our birth plan.  I will say that I do not recommend doing it all in one day if you can help it.  It is A LOT of information and A LOT of emotions.  Tony and I rolled out of bed and BARELY showered, Megan apparently went to the beauty salon beforehand.  LOL.

EARLY morning class

Megan looks beautiful!  Don't judge me, it was EARLY

Look at those hotties!

Our plan is to have Zoey at a freestanding birth center instead of in a hospital. Megan had her daughter at the Birthing Inn and LOVED it.  Tony and I were a little skeptical, but wanted to respect Megan’s wishes.  That was until we walked into the place.  It is absolutely gorgeous and the energy is just calm and peaceful.  The deal was cinched when we met our midwife Amy.  She is exactly the person you want to be caring for the mother of your child and your unborn baby.  She is amazing.  She was respectful of our unique situation and exudes compassion, warmth, and empathy. 

Kelly is a self proclaimed “semi retired Doula”, she is the one who taught our class on Saturday.  She is also full of warmth and somehow managed to keep our attention for an entire 8 hour day.  The time seemed to fly by.  The information we received was amazing and helpful.  And Kelly’s high energy and enthusiasm were awesome. 

Having said all of that I have a confession to make.  The miracle of life appears to be… gross.  I can’t wait to witness it, and be a part of it, but I have never been so grateful to be born male in all my life.  I will also admit that I have an even greater respect for women.  It is magical what their bodies can do, and what they as people can withstand.  I continue to look at Megan with awe; for her to know what she was getting into and choosing to do this for us… wow.  I hope that I am worthy of the gift she is giving us one day. 

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Love, Papa

Dear Zoey,

There are SO many things happening right now preparing for your arrival.    Papa has help getting the house nursery and rooms ready.  Daddy is packing away his spring ensemble.    Mommy Megan is helping you grow and get stronger every day.   But mostly we dream about you.     We've recorded bedtime stories for you so you can hear them even before you're born.   Daddy read one called "And Tango Makes Three".     It's your story......

We had your 1st baby shower.    So many friends came, so many people excited and happy for your arrival.    The party was SO beautiful, and Daddy completely ran down the battery of the camera taking pictures of it, he was so excited.
That night when we unpacked all your gifts, we imagine how you would look in each outfit, how each gift would become part of your life.

Planning and more planning.    Papa's time off work, Daddy's time off, the apartment time, our time after you're born together.     All I want for you is a full belly and a healthy happy smile.

Daddy has been shopping at the Carter's baby store so much that the clerks hug him when he comes in.   He does have an eye for how to dress us both.    Papa knows Daddy is thinking of everything for your care.

We fuss and worry about this and that, wring our hands sometimes, but we know it's all worth it.    How I can't wait to see your first smile.


31 weeks, 4 days… that’s you in there!!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Zoey's FIRST baby shower

Yesterday was the first shower for Zoey!!  Her guncles and Godfathers threw it for her and it was really incredible.  I am so grateful that our daughter is surrounded by SOOO much love.  She isn’t even born yet and she is a spoiled little girl.  I looked around and saw all these people just waiting to welcome her into the world… it was overwhelming and humbling. 

We also decided to do a little “binding ceremony” during the shower.  The state we live in doesn’t recognize gay marriage yet, but we do have Domestic Partnerships.  It may not be equal, but I’ll take it.  We completed the paper work awhile ago, and have felt married in our hearts, but it was really important to Tony that we do some sort of ceremony before Zoey is born.  Originally the plan was to have a big ceremony after Zoey was born, and to do this for now.  Tradition and symbolism are very important to both of us, but especially to Tony.  I was very excited to be doing this because it meant so much to Tony; I didn’t realize until we started how important it was to me as well.  It was very casual, but filled with love and support.  As I looked into my husband’s eyes, so full of love and emotion, and felt the love and support surrounding us I realized we don’t need another ceremony.  This is perfect.  And afterwards it felt sealed.  I am so glad we did this exactly this way.  Megan was the one who actually "officiated", which just made it even more perfect.

 Literally tied the knot


I swear I was not singing to him


AND the best part is I am throwing out all of Tony’s T-shirts!  It was in our vows, and I take them very very serious.  So yep, any Tshirt that says “Rugby BLAH BLAH 1996” or “Firefighter Stairclimb 1981” all gone! 

What an amazing weekend this was.  My cup runeth over. 

Papa's Extreme Shower Experience.

Papa  (Tony) here.

We had the 1st baby shower yesterday.

In true Mississippi form, we combined our Marriage vows with our Baby Shower.

Yeah, we got married.   The big tying of the knot.  Game over.   Check and mate.

Yep… that’s our amazing surrogate officiating

We have Registered Domestic Partnership here in Washington State, but it's called "Everything But Marriage".  Or as I refer to it, "Marriage Light".    It gives us a TON of legal protections for each other, and for the baby.    But mostly, I just love Mike, and wanted to make it real and legit.

I am so in love with this man…

The ceremony went off in perfect weather, with a perfect altar that our friends set up.     The garden was incredible.   The music even worked out.    We performed a "handfasting" ritual, using all the colors of long ribbons, each signifying a quality in our bond.   It turned out beautiful, the knot held, so I did not escape.    With our friends looking on, we declared our love for each other.   Mike even shared his true feelings about some of my favorite clothes (my COOL t-shirts), which he doesn't like.  I am, for all intensive purposes, a MARRIED man.

Mike and I and my mother in law

Mike and I with my father in law

Then we did the Baby Shower.    I have never BEEN to one before, and was unprepared.    I needed practice on what to say as each gift was open, as I ran out of things to say after "AWWWWW", and "Super Cute!!!", and "she'll love this".    After the 12th gift, I felt like a goof.     The gifts were amazing, thoughtful, and adorable, I just didn't make the cut on my what I was supposed to say.
But it was alot of fun.   And I got to hang out with people who were excited that Zoey was coming.

See the confusion on my face?   And Zoey’s BIG SISTER helping!

I can't speak for Mike on this one, but I am in awe of our friends in preparing for this Baby Shower and our Ceremony.    I didn't know what treasure we really held till yesterday.   Maybe that's the point of these showers after all, that you won't be going it alone....