Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Monday, June 27, 2011

17 weeks

Dear Baby,

You are 17 weeks along today.  A big part of me wishes that I could fast forward the next 23 weeks and have you in our arms.  By the time you are old enough to read this, you will already know that your daddy is head over heels in love with you.  I will have already resisted (hopefully) the urge to punt some kid who has pushed you off the swings at the play ground across the field.  I will have kissed countless boo boos, and bandaged knees.  You will have puked, peed, bleed, and vomited on me, and I will love you all the more for it.

You will also know that your Papa has impossibly large shoulders that are perfect to cry on, and he gives the very best hugs ever.  Papa is super busy getting our house ready for you.  He is working so hard.  He loves us so much, and we are super lucky to have someone like him in our corner.

We talk about you all the time.  At times it seems impossible that our biggest dream is coming true, and that soon you will be in our arms.  You are not even here yet and already you have become our most important priority, and you will remain so for the rest of your life.

We heard your heartbeat at your 16 week check up last week, we recorded it and we listen to it all the time.  It is absolutely the most amazing sound I have ever heard.

I know that you are in the safest environment possible, and that Mama Megan is working so hard to make sure that you are safe and healthy.  She has to be the most beautiful pregnant woman I have ever seen.  I am so blessed that I get to watch you grow inside of her belly every day.

Papa and I took a picnic at the park this weekend and watched the little ones play.  Soon baby, soon we will be watching you play at that park.  You are loved more than I have the ability to express.  Stay safe and grow. 

I love you,


17 week Belly shot

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Father's Day... a little late


What an amazing feeling to wake up Sunday morning to text messages and voice mails full of Father’s day wishes for Tony and I.  We have already written about how this is something that we have always dreamt of, wished for, and never thought was possible for us.  Even though we are technically only “fathers to be”, I got up early and made Tony breakfast.  When he came off shift we had breakfast and laughed and joked about what this day would be like for us in the future.

It also made me start thinking about my own child and growing up without a father.  I remember that they used to have these “Daddy Days” at school, where all the dads would come and have lunch with their kids.  I remember the first one I ever had to endure was when I was in first grade.  I was a MESS about it for weeks prior to the event.  I never said anything to anyone about how scared I was to be the only kid there without a father.  I remember that day clearly as the dads were filing into the room and I could hear all the excited chatter of my classmates.  I just stared at my desk praying to turn invisible and trying so hard not to cry.  Then I felt this hand on my head ruffling my hair.  I looked up to my uncle smiling down at me.  He was already my idol, but that day he became my hero.  He showed up to every school play, baseball game, every milestone.  He was always there for me no matter what, and I loved him deeply.  He died almost three years ago and I miss him every day.

My uncle Randy and I, he was the first to hold me, and he never let go.

My dad is not my biological father.  He and my mother fell in love when I was 16.  He and I butted heads as only two males trying to assert their dominance can.  I was not at all pleased at being replaced as the man of the house.  He and I disagree about almost everything and sometimes he drives me completely crazy, as I am sure I do him as well.  However, he always shows up.  When I have a flat tire at 2 a.m. in a rain storm, he is there to change it for me.  Almost 6 years ago, when I finally decided to get clean and sober, I had a really rough detox.  My dad is the one who sat with me.  Every day.  He watched over me as I fought to get rid of the toxins in my body.  He stood outside of the bathroom door as I threw up, and then handed me a glass of water and helped me back to bed.  He teared up and clapped his hands as I graduated, first from rehab, and later from college.  It is his face I see in my mind’s eye lighting up the first time this baby says “Grampa”.

I found my biological father a couple years ago and finally got the answers to questions I have had for my entire life.  He is a very nice man, but what I realized in meeting him is that the one thing I had been looking for I already had.  My dad.  The man who loves Ronald Reagan, the Republican Party, and who drives me crazy is also ½ of my biggest support team.  My parents.  I love him and he loves me; even though you would never be able to tell if you were in the same room with us.  We tease each other mercilessly, but it is all out of love.

 My dad and I at my college graduation party.

When our child is hurt, or sad, or mad, or glad I will draw upon the memories of these two men, my uncle and my dad, and know exactly how a father should handle the situation.  I will be the best father I possibly can because of them.  And for that I am so beyond grateful.

Happy Father’s Day I love you both.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

15 weeks 3 days

There hasn’t been a whole lot to report lately, but I have been reading everyone else’s blogs daily… like a crack head trying to get his next hit.  The fertility clinic that made our baby spoiled us!  So for the first trimester Megan was seen by the doctors there, just to make sure everything was going well.  We were in that office every week it seemed, and we were able to see the little munchkin growing and developing…. NOW NOTHING!  And we have to wait FIVE more weeks for the next one!  The good news is that Megan has started to show and we get to see her get bigg cuter every day!  And she really is the cutest thing I have ever seen.  Here are some pics!

13 weeks!

15 weeks

It is the most AMAZING and beautiful thing!  

Friday, June 10, 2011

14 weeks 4 days!

Our little baby bump is starting to really pop!  Megan is GORGEOUS and can already feel the little movements.  I cannot WAIT till I can feel the kicks for myself. 

I wanted to send out a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Jeff and Kevin DC on their very exciting news and positive BETA test!!!!

Have a great weekend everyone and stay safe!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Of glitter and war...

PapaBear here.   As Mike has mentioned, this has been one of the more bizarre instances in my life.   Having “written off” the chance of being a father before now, the reality of becoming one evolves on an almost daily basis.

The house is my priority right now.   It’s a gay man’s house during a remodeling project.   It’s as friendly a baby environment right now as New Mexico was after the Manhattan Project.   Funny anecdote, the first hydrogen nuclear bomb was codenamed “Mike”.   I’ll let you come to your own conclusions….

Mike helps me slow down and appreciate the “roses” in this.   Being in Public Safety for nearly 12 years, as a First Responder, I’m in emergency management mode.    At any time the landscape of my thoughts is akin to scenes of the Invasion of Normandy in WWII, complete with thoughts of overnight parachute & glider landings, massive air attacks, naval bombardments, early morning amphibious landings, etc.   Dammit, we have a baby coming, unleash the dogs of war!!!!

So, back to Mike’s job.  He keeps me centered, and partially sane.   Mostly.  And he makes me laugh.

Megan continues to astound me.   We’ve gone back and forth on the topic of natural childbirth versus “C” section.  I felt totally off the hook if we went C-section, as I could relive the old days of future fathers out waiting, smoking cigars in business suits.    Megan is considering using a midwife, birth in water, and a birthing center.   Because I am a man, I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have a baby.   None.    If it were me, as a man, if I myself were carrying a baby, I’d insist on being unconscious most of the pregnancy (all 3 trimesters) , with epidural and emergency high-bore backup drugs at the birth just in case.     I’m totally ecstatic to be there during the birth of the baby, and I’m completely ready for the skin grafts if Megan needs to vent her frustrations..

Mike’s birthday was yesterday, and we brought a great deal of the family together.   It was a nice enjoyable time, and as Mike so eloquently put it, “the baby is here with us”.     It was so wonderful to see Megan become part of our family, as well as us becoming into hers.     I’m so ready to be soccer dad, or playing a game of tag, or whatever this child needs.    I’ll still struggling with the need of toddlers wanting to put makeup on me, but progress, not perfection.    I’ve had glitter on me from past days, it’s just Megan’s daughter puts it on a little thick.    And I wore it to work the next day, as that stuff doesn’t come off……

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Where DOES one rent a skywriter?

We are now 13 weeks 2 days pregnant.  Now that we are in the second trimester Tony is comfortable telling people about the pregnancy.  Early on we decided (and by we I mean Tony) that we were going to wait until 12 weeks to tell people.  Then we actually GOT pregnant and I manipulated charmed him into letting me tell just a “few” of our closest friends, then a few more, then a few more, you get the message.  Still, I could tell that Tony was a little nervous about telling people too early.  Apparently that is behind us because the big lug is telling everyone.  He is going to KILL me when he reads this, but he might as well be flipping open his wallet to reveal all of the ultrasound pictures to anyone trappe...err...interested.  It is the CUTEST thing I have ever seen. 

We were at our friend’s house for a BBQ on Monday having a great time.  Every time I turned around Tony was pulling me into whatever conversation he was having and would say “Babe did you tell so and so the news?”.  I would laugh and tell him I hadn’t.  I was just enjoying his excitement.  At first.  By the 97th time we repeated this interaction I finally just said to him “No Tony, I haven’t told them, I don’t think the caterer cares that we are having a baby”.  At one point he had us in a circle of people discussing baby names.  One of our friends, who thinks that children are only cute on TV, whispers to me “Ugh, is this how it’s going to be now?”  I just smiled at him and said “Yeah.  This is how it’s going to be now”. 

Later that night as we were getting into the car I thanked the valet for his well wishes on our pregnancy and turned to look at my man.  He was beaming.  He is so proud and happy to be having this baby.  What a lucky kid this is.  What a lucky man I am.