Tuesday, February 22, 2011

And now a blog from Tony...

Relay Lock

0103 hours, Thursday, February 17, 2011.  3rd Watch.

At work there is a sound, but there is NO sound to it actually.   It is a feeling, a sudden and precise change in the air.

Normally you know it's coming before the lights above you suddenly snap on.

Miles away someone is typing at a keyboard, signals race to my vicinity, and suddenly a bank of old metal relays in an electrical panel fire off closing multiple connections.    They are side by side in a metal box on a wall.    As those connections close, multiple things happen.     Bells in distant rooms ring first, and they race toward you.   Monitors, blank and dark only moments before, awaken with full intensity, they issue forth location. Speakers waiting, holding their breath, suddenly and without warning burst forth with information. 

The lights come on in the night.    Not like dawn approaching as with sunrise.   Strong brilliant light.

I knew this instance was not the station coming to life as she will during the night.   At that moment above, it was larger than any moment I had known before.  It was a familiar sense in me.    Strong and unyielding.  But unlike any other time before, it was roaring silence, the light surging in my mind.    An unmistakeable message being issued inside me.

The Relay Lock that was your arrival into this world had just happened.   My eyes snapped open on a bed miles away. 
I knew at that moment you were here with your Daddy, Megan, and me.    There was nothing I could do to respond to you yet.   I swung my feet from the bed to the floor, in the darkness next to my boots.    Physically shaken, catching my breath, the calm rose, knowing you were safe.  

For now, no lights and sirens.

I sat there in the quiet upright, and wept with joy as only a new Papa can.


  1. Ok, i'm captivated by your story now that i've found your blog and i'm reading from the beginning forward. I love this post, it made me have goosebumps and tears in my eyes. This moment is why surrogates do what they do. To give this moment to deserving daddies and mommies. I can't wait for the moment when our Dr quietly slips or IF's baby into their arms, I can't believe I get to be a part of something so special.