The feeling in my life, for lack of a better explanation, is the feeling after you’ve pushed yourself out of a perfectly good plane, and are falling out of the sky toward Earth. As far as Mike is concerned, it is too late to obtain a tranquilizer dart gun, but we’re doing okay.
I’m confident that my parachute is in perfectly working order, but it does not rob me of the exhilaration.
I have lost my ability to track the days of the week, and we literally have something to get done every day of the week at this point. I work a 24-hour job where I can rest in the late, late, evening, but have not been able to forget that the phone can now suddenly ring at any time. My normal level of vigilance is two-fold.
I really really want Zoey here, and being a perfectionist, I realize that no matter how hard I work, we’ll never be “perfectly” ready. I think this is actually a healthy place, as I believe you could literally go insane trying to get more done. I think, if one is not careful, it is possible to lose sight of why we did this. I “airlocked” yesterday when I heard there’s potential for snow in our forecast next weekend, as snow shuts down everything in Seattle/Tacoma, but realized again that it’s simply out of my control.
When we were at our last Midwife checkup, Megan placed my hand on her belly. Immediately Zoey kicked into my hand. It’s hard to convey the energy of that transfer, but it revitalizes you. After seeing the clothes that we received from the Baby Showers washed, folded, and placed in Zoey’s room (Mike has worked SO hard on this), they stopped being gifts, and transformed into OUR baby girl’s clothes. I’ve lost track of all of the transition moments like that, but they are amazing.
This episode has a perfect, immediate, and complete climax on how it finishes. It’s Zoey coming into the world, and I have the opportunity to be there, front row seat. Because we’re having a true water birth, if all goes well, I will watch our daughter swim into our lives.
Our house in Seattle has always been a textbook definition of a residential structure; a typical two-story Type III construction wood frame construction. With a lot of work, our own personal journeys, we have decided to make it a HOME. It will be a place of birthdays, parties, friends, family, and of recovery. Covered in drywall dust, insulation, and little flecks of everything, I’ve looked from the center of every room and heard the voices of what is to come.
I’m excited to give this gift back to Zoey, and I’m excited in equal measure for the prospect of having a family.