On this day....

I go on a sort of “hold your breath” type vigilance whenever Tony is on shift.  It doesn’t interrupt my day.  I don’t obsess about it.  I AM a little more aware of where my phone is, and I tend to check it a little more frequently.  I DO pay more attention to the news.  I will admit that I listen for his ring tone when I know he is getting off duty, and when he calls to tell me he is off, safe, and heading home I release that breath and my shoulders relax.  There is relief. 

I know that he is the best at his job.  I know that he is diligent in keeping himself safe, but still… I think that is just the way it is when you are married to one of the few people that rush towards danger to save others when most people would rush away. 

Today when he called and told me he was safe, I exhaled, felt the familiar sense of relief flood my body, and then it hit me.  You didn’t get to stop holding your breath that day.  You didn’t feel that sense of relief that comes when he or she tells you they are safe and coming home to you. 

To all of the partners, husbands, wives, children, and parents of our fallen heroes, You may not know me, but I know you.  And I love you. I hope that you are able to find peace today.  I remember your sacrifice and the sacrifice of your loved one. 

Tony and I are sending you all of our love and all of our positive energy.  We hope that you can feel it.