Sunday, January 30, 2011

You know what's weird?

Right wing republicans may be your answer to the above question, but no I am talking about this whole adventure we are on.  99% of the feedback we have received from lesbians, straight guys, and straight girls has been supportive and loving.  Gay men, however, look at us like we have told them that we want to marry women and convert to the Church of Latter Day Saints.  So I have to wonder where all of this comes from.  If people who HAVE children think it is a good idea and can be supportive, what is it about this decision that freaks out our gay male friends? 

Now, I have a tendency to be a tad bit dramatic.  So of course I immediately think that this must have something to do with me.  I know.  I know.  HOW on earth could that be the case?  But I do.  I was speaking to my most favorite of all my pet lesbians about this M.  M has an amazing ability to play devil's advocate, and help me to view things from other people's point of view.  Today her answer was simple.  "F them" she says.  And of course I had to question myself about why their opinions matter so much. 

I guess it comes down to this.  Tony and I have weighed this decision, researched this decision, talked to counselors, friends, and God.  We are well past the contemplation period.  I just want our friends to keep their opinions to themselves and support our decision.  We know our limitations and obstacles. 

So there!  na na na na boo boo!  HMPH!


  1. Very interesting. Our decision to become parents was met with support from our gay male friends, especially the partnered ones. We live in jolly Arizona where the red on your neck isn't necessarily from sunburn. None of the gays in our little circle really knew any gay parents. So they kind of watched the process as it unfolded, and now some of them are doing their own research into it. We also don't get the looks of scorn from the straight world I expected but maybe it's just the people and areas we frequent.

    Our single gay friends were happy but slightly more indiffernt. As a former single gay I remember caring more about my nightlife and parties then parenting, so I can understand. Good luck to you both!

  2. Thanks Bobby! I think I have to remember that we decided to share it with them at the END of the research/planning process and they may need to get used to the idea. The whole thing my also seem like it is something we decided to do over night. Thanks for the feedback!

  3. I'm in the same boat sort of as Bobby. We never had any friends express negative thoughts or opinions regarding our parenting plans. Or, if they did have a problem with it, they kept those thoughts to themselves or away from us.

    Give yourselves and your friends some time to watch what happens as your surrogacy journey progresses. Also, it's possible that your circle of friends will change quite a bit, shifting to other parents and fewer non-parents.

    Good luck! :)

  4. Thanks Jon! I appreciate that!

  5. So I'm a little late to the game here. One of our Gay male friends equated having children to that of tag fag desperately needing that Prada bag to complete his ensemble. He has since changed his mind, but his opinion was not isolated.

    Never fully understood the view, but when Mike and I are old and gray and in wheelchairs, we expect to have races with the grandkids pushing us! Hopefully not over the cliff for the inheritance...cause we'll have spent it on the Prada bag!

    The rewards far outweigh any negative nellies.

    Mike A.