A Rocket's Red Glare

39 weeks 5 days...

Hey, it’s Tony again.    Soon to be Papa.

The waiting game continues, and I have to concede a few things.   Number one, hands down, women are the stronger of our race.    After being around battle-seasoned Marines quite a bit of my lifetime, then being around a pregnant woman, I know that the pregnant woman is definitely the one you have to worry about ripping your arm clean from its socket and calmly handing it to you.    There’s just no nonsense around them.   Surely if pregnant women ran the world, certainly several Peace Accords would be signed in short order.   

Secondly, I had no idea how this “4^th and Goal” moment would affect me, or affect us as a couple waiting for this baby.   Neither one of us is 5 feet away from their phone at any given time.   When Megan texts either one of us, we both go into Defense Condition One (DefCon One).    Mike quickly follows up with “it’s okay”, but it takes several minutes for the adrenaline to drain out of my heart valves.    Also, Megan can send us a simple text about how much she likes toast.   Both of us will spend the better part of 10 minutes deconstructing the text, both realizing that it’s something about the baby coming within the next hour.   I’m also embarrassed to admit I might be developing sympathetic responses to Megan.    That’s not who I am.     But I’m getting these tummy cramps, and my lower back is tighter than a Grand Piano.    I’m JUST NOT THAT GUY.   But then I am, and I’m laying on the couch wondering if I need a heating pad….  OMG, I think my feet are swelling.

 I watched Mike repack the baby’s clothes last night.    After 30 minutes, I got scared.    I think if I opened that bag, much less rearranged it, they would be trolling the bottom of the river for my body.   It was like watching a brain surgeon carefully measure and space their surgical instruments again, and again, and again.     A better example may be a nervous soldier field stripping their combat weapon, carefully laying out and sorting each functional component, and cleaning each part of their rifle again and again waiting for the conflict to start.    Of course, yeah, the “waiting for war” theme again.

Having grown up in a generation of “immediate satisfaction”, where they have clock timers for customer service calls and fast food drive-up windows, this patience and waiting game is bone crushing.   Like a firefighter waiting for the bell to ring, you stand there watching the bell, night and day, darkness and light, knowing its going to ring, but you don’t know when exactly.    The level of vigilance is sometimes exhausting, if we allow it to get to us.

 After months of hard work and preparation, I’m looking forward to having my husband, Megan, and our new baby in the hotel suite, and simply letting go of that stress.    I know the game changes, that it is still there, but at least I will know a better part of the time where my family and loved ones are.      We can concentrate on each other, the joy of the moments, and order room service.    I am SOOOOOOO ready for the cooing, the crying, the diapers.   I am waiting for Zoey’s face to emerge, falling in love with her, possibly forgetting about the past months, and suddenly feeling time stop altogether.   A baby born, a new family begun, a father’s love unleashed.  39 weeks 5 days

39 weeks 3 days

Still waiting!  Tony and I are keeping ourselves busy though.  We are following some advice and taking time to just sort of soak each other up and enjoy those last few moments of being two.  I will admit that it helps. 

Tony is also still working on our house, which is about 40 miles away from where we live now and from where Megan is.  We were told by our AMAZING midwife today that he should be prepared to drop everything.  It seems Megan is expected to go pretty quickly, she did with her daughter. 

Speaking of our midwife… AMY GORDON is AAAAHMAHZING!  I am so glad that Megan wanted to deliver at a free standing birth center instead of the hospital.  The energy at the Birthing Inn in Tacoma is amazing.  The vibe as soon as you walk in is relaxing, supportive, and comfortable.  It has a more relaxed and stress free feel than at a hospital, and the birthing rooms look more like an upscale bed and breakfast then like a delivery room.  Our situation is unique to say the least, and Amy has made all three of us feel comfortable and welcome.  Not only that, but she inspires complete faith and confidence in her ability to take care of Megan and our precious little Zoey (IF SHE EVER GETS HERE).  We HIGHLY recommend her!!!

So our bags have been packed, repacked, and repacked again.  The bottles have been washed and packed, and then re washed and packed.  I have sorted and organized her clothing.  Now, if only that baby would cooperate (LOL).

I know it will be soon, and I know that she already knows her birthday… I just wouldn’t mind if she shared it with me.

39 weeks...

Hey everyone! I lost all of the blogs we were following somehow. I am trying to get you all back, but it is a mess!!

39 weeks today!!! Hopefully soon, because I tell ya I don't know how much longer we can be on high alert LOL!

Tony and I were wondering how other people coped with the waiting? Any suggestions?

Gobble Gobble!

Hi everyone!!  I hope you all had an amazing Thanksgiving and gobbled till you wobbled!

38 weeks and 5 days and we are still on baby watch.  I know I have bragged about her before, but Megan is amazing!  Tony and I are both in constant awe of her.  Even still, she is understandably ready for Zoey to come out.  I told her the other day that I wish I could take on some of the discomfort and eventual contractions for her, she said “that’s sweet, but you couldn’t handle this.  This is women’s work.”  And she’s right!  It makes me wonder where terms like “the fairer sex” or “weaker sex” even came from!

We both started our leave this week.  Tony I think is the most relieved.  He hasn’t taken a sick day or vacation day all year to save up all his time for after Zoey is born, which means he gets to stay home with us for 2 months, but also means he was running pretty close to empty there at the end. 

We have decided that I will not be returning to work after my leave is up.  That’s right I am going to be a stay at home daddy!  We have had many discussions about this, and have decided that this is the best move for our family.  To be honest I am absolutely blessed and grateful that we are able to have me stay at home and take care of our daughter.  I know not everyone can do that.  Still it is an adjustment and the social worker within says “who will save the world if not you?!?”  LOL!  My ego sometimes I tell ya. 

 Okay, I hope everyone is enjoying their turkey coma, or not having to battle too hard to find that perfect gift!   

38 weeks

Tony and I have developed a new nightly routine.  Before we go to bed we each check our phones, the volume, are they working, etc before we go to sleep.  If either of us gets up in the middle of the night we check them again.  Every so often one or both of us is asking Megan to call us, just to make sure they are STILL working.  She has got to be sick of the “drills” by now.  I vacillate between being calm and patient, and ascting like a crazy person pacing the floors LOL! 

We had our 3^rd, yes I said 3^rd baby shower yesterday.  I cannot believe how lucky this baby is, she has a whole village just waiting for her to be born.  My mom and dad through this one, and we had an amazing time.  Here are some pics.  I hope everyone ishaving a great day.  MAYBE the next post will be announcing Zoey’s arrival!  Fingers crossed!

17 days to go!

Dear Zoey,

37 weeks and 4 days!  You could be coming any time now.  I have to admit it’s a lot like being 6 years old and waiting for Christmas… if you never knew what day Santa might be coming, as if one day you could just wake up and Santa had been there. 

The anticipation of your arrival is palpable.  Every time either I or your papa turns around someone is asking us how much longer.  I love the question.  I love that you are entering into a world where so many people are excited about you and your existence.  My hope is that you feel that love even now. 

I have all of your first few sizes of outfits washed, organized, and ready for you.  When I see them folded on YOUR shelves waiting for you I get choked up with the reality that you are coming.  Papa is so funny; he’s so concerned with whether or not he will be able to be gentle enough when dressing you.  The other day I caught him “practicing” by putting one of your outfits on a stuffed Tigger.  I wish I had thought to take a picture. 

I am surprised that even though I cannot wait to have you in my arms, I am also really enjoying the anticipation.  It’s weird for me because I am not a very patient person. 

We are all waiting for you princess.  I will see you soon and my heart will be complete.  I love you with all I am.

Love,

Daddy.

Story of an angel in a parachute...

Papa Here!!

The feeling in my life, for lack of a better explanation, is the feeling after you’ve pushed yourself out of a perfectly good plane, and are falling out of the sky toward Earth.   As far as Mike is concerned, it is too late to obtain a tranquilizer dart gun, but we’re doing okay.  

I’m confident that my parachute is in perfectly working order, but it does not rob me of the exhilaration.

I have lost my ability to track the days of the week, and we literally have something to get done every day of the week at this point.   I work a 24-hour job where I can rest in the late, late, evening, but have not been able to forget that the phone can now suddenly ring at any time.   My normal level of vigilance is two-fold.

I really really want Zoey here, and being a perfectionist, I realize that no matter how hard I work, we’ll never be “perfectly” ready.    I think this is actually a healthy place, as I believe you could literally go insane trying to get more done.   I think, if one is not careful, it is possible to lose sight of why we did this.    I “airlocked” yesterday when I heard there’s potential for snow in our forecast next weekend, as snow shuts down everything in Seattle/Tacoma, but realized again that it’s simply out of my control.

When we were at our last Midwife checkup, Megan placed my hand on her belly.     Immediately Zoey kicked into my hand.   It’s hard to convey the energy of that transfer, but it revitalizes you.   After seeing the clothes that we received from the Baby Showers washed, folded, and placed in Zoey’s room (Mike has worked SO hard on this), they stopped being gifts, and transformed into OUR baby girl’s clothes.    I’ve lost track of all of the transition moments like that, but they are amazing.

This episode has a perfect, immediate, and complete climax on how it finishes.   It’s Zoey coming into the world, and I have the opportunity to be there, front row seat.     Because we’re having a true water birth, if all goes well, I will watch our daughter swim into our lives.

Our house in Seattle has always been a textbook definition of a residential structure; a typical two-story Type III construction wood frame construction.    With a lot of work, our own personal journeys, we have decided to make it a HOME.    It will be a place of birthdays, parties, friends, family, and of recovery.    Covered in drywall dust, insulation, and little flecks of everything, I’ve looked from the center of every room and heard the voices of what is to come.

I’m excited to give this gift back to Zoey, and I’m excited in equal measure for the prospect of having a family.