Monday, February 13, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Gotcha...
Papa here.
Something for the parent who goes back to work:
Then it happened....She smiled. She searched my face, my eyes. And she smiled.
I don't have the words to explain the rush. Every stupid thing I was thinking about before I came through the door, my co-workers, City politics, in a single moment they were lost behind me in time.
I held Zoey for the next hour. I couldn't put her down. This little baby somehow missed me. And it blew my mind.
A day later, getting up at 5 a.m. for the drive, to be gone another day, another 24 hours. The apartment was quiet, both my babies asleep. The door handle hurt my hand to turn; it took one thousand pounds of torque to turn the knob. It hurts to leave them right now.
I was working the other night, and my "boss's boss" stopped me to congratulate me on the birth of the baby. This guy is a big man, and in our work environment (paramilitary), he normally has to be quite stoic. In this case, he told me about how it's important to "be there" for your kids. He shared how his 18-year-old son was about to leave home. He talked about how he said to his boy, "Son, I wish I could teach you more before you go...". He then described how they cried together, as they knew his son’s time was coming to leave to move on independent in his own life. It was very intimate to hear this big hulking man’s voice tremble as he described his son leaving. I could envision in his mind’s eye the baby boy still in the crib. I realized how there’s a brotherhood among men with kids, that I’d been welcomed inside, and I’m lucky to have someone share this experience.
I think I’ll go hold Zoey for a while…..
Mike and I never set out to make a legal precedent out of Zoey. But when our AMAZING attorney Phil told us that Washington State law allows two gay male parents to be on the birth certificate WITHOUT 2nd parent adoption, we were stunned. When our Surrogacy Contract was drafted, Mike and I were placed as the Intended Parents. After Zoey was born, our Midwife filed for the birth certificate as soon as Zoey swam into our lives (she was a water birth). What happened next would take two months to unravel…. The clerk at Vital Statistics said that neither one of us could be on the birth certificate. We called our attorney Phil who then called Washington State Vital Statistics. Round and Round it went, for weeks. The state would not issue the birth certificate even though the law said we could. It got kicked up to the Attorney General’s office, as they interpret the law for this agency. They also said there was no “procedure” for putting two guys on a birth certificate. Our amazing attorney proceeded to make his case to TWO Attorney’s General attorneys. At long last, at 8 weeks, we had to go back to Megan for one last piece of paperwork. With our last sheet of documentation, Washington State issued the first male/male birth certificate for a Surrogacy Contract. Huge news. It’s something we hope to share with others, as it’s only right that other can have their families the same way, with full rights and privileges. Just like other parents……
Something for the parent who goes back to work:
I came in from work the other day. I walked in tired. I got my verbal greetings from my family just inside the apartment where we live. Being “dog tired”, I pushed off my boots. When I rounded the corner, I was greeted by this blast of love that caught me off-guard. Keep in mind I'm gone for a full day at a time (24hrs). I know I miss them, but up in my head, for them it's not so bad. Their lives go on, they have distractions, and I’ll be back when work is done. But both of them were focused on me. For the first time, Zoey's facial expression changed seeing me after so long. She started to wave her arms, then kick her legs. She made noises, she cooed.
Then it happened....She smiled. She searched my face, my eyes. And she smiled.
I don't have the words to explain the rush. Every stupid thing I was thinking about before I came through the door, my co-workers, City politics, in a single moment they were lost behind me in time.
I held Zoey for the next hour. I couldn't put her down. This little baby somehow missed me. And it blew my mind.
A day later, getting up at 5 a.m. for the drive, to be gone another day, another 24 hours. The apartment was quiet, both my babies asleep. The door handle hurt my hand to turn; it took one thousand pounds of torque to turn the knob. It hurts to leave them right now.
I was working the other night, and my "boss's boss" stopped me to congratulate me on the birth of the baby. This guy is a big man, and in our work environment (paramilitary), he normally has to be quite stoic. In this case, he told me about how it's important to "be there" for your kids. He shared how his 18-year-old son was about to leave home. He talked about how he said to his boy, "Son, I wish I could teach you more before you go...". He then described how they cried together, as they knew his son’s time was coming to leave to move on independent in his own life. It was very intimate to hear this big hulking man’s voice tremble as he described his son leaving. I could envision in his mind’s eye the baby boy still in the crib. I realized how there’s a brotherhood among men with kids, that I’d been welcomed inside, and I’m lucky to have someone share this experience.
I think I’ll go hold Zoey for a while…..
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dear Zoey (2months)
Dear Zoey,
You are 2 months old. Wow… 2 months and it seems like you have always been here. I think that is because you always have been. In our hearts. I want to thank you my baby princess, I want to thank you for every smile you give me. It makes me laugh when I think about how quick you can go from full on screaming and crying, to laughing and smiling when I stick my tongue out at you. I have never laughed so much in my whole life. Every morning I look at you and thank the universe for allowing me to be your daddy. It is absolutely the very best thing that has ever happened to me
You are 2 months old. Wow… 2 months and it seems like you have always been here. I think that is because you always have been. In our hearts. I want to thank you my baby princess, I want to thank you for every smile you give me. It makes me laugh when I think about how quick you can go from full on screaming and crying, to laughing and smiling when I stick my tongue out at you. I have never laughed so much in my whole life. Every morning I look at you and thank the universe for allowing me to be your daddy. It is absolutely the very best thing that has ever happened to me
Brand new
One month
2 month
Papa has recently gone back to work and you definitely know it. You visibly miss him when he is gone, you look for him on the other end of the couch when it is just you and me. And when he comes home after his 24 hour shift your face lights up, you get the biggest grin, you start cooing like crazy, and your arms and legs start kicking. You can’t get into his arms fast enough. Don’t tell anyone, but it brings tears to his eyes. He misses you so much while he is working.
Every day since you have been here is better than the one before. This journey is better than I ever could have imagined. I love you my beautiful, important, smart daughter.
All my love,
Daddy
Saturday, February 4, 2012
HAPPY 2 MONTHS ZOEY
Look How cute I am!
Papa makes the funniest faces
I love my papa
This is where Daddy and I walk every day.
On a walk with Daddy
8 weeks old
My dads sure do look tired huh?
Daddy isn't pinching my ear, I swear.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Guuuuurl puuhleeease!
Way before Zoey was born I read in someone’s blog how their 2 year old was having a 2 year old “moment” in a store and this lady had the NERVE to approach the parents and ask where the child’s mother was. GIIIIIRL, I was incensed and it wasn’t even my story. I shared this with our surrogate who replied “If that happens with this baby you have to tell them that YOU ARE THE MOTHER”. I thought this was delicious and have been secretly DYING for my moment. However, we live in a pretty progressive area and so far no one has even batted an eye. I am sure there were some comments we didn’t hear, but for the most part we have been treated pretty well.
Then today I thought it was going to happen. I was putting Zoey into her stroller at the mall and I noticed this “soccer mom” type watching me intently as she loaded up her kids. I could tell by her expression that she had seen my marriage equality bumper sticker, and was probably praying for mine and Zoey’s very souls. As I adjusted Zoey’s hat, tucked her blankets in, and slipped the diaper bag into the stroller I mentally started rehearsing my speech. I was stretching my neck getting ready for the best “OH NO YOU DIIII IIINT” head rolls when she and her kids rolled past us. I boldly met her gaze as she got closer, just waiting. THEN SHE SMILED! And what is worse she stopped and said Zoey was GORGEOUS (I mean duh). And even worse than that is as she turned to leave she said “You’re obviously a really good mommy”! THAT….WOMAN stole my moment!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?!?
What I learned from this moment is that when I judge people before I know them I am as bad as the people who oppose me. I created a whole SCENARIO in my head because of what I THOUGHT she was thinking of me.
I am sure we will have a moment where someone will say something stupid, but in the mean time I need to focus on all the positive energy that has been directed at us. I need to focus on the fact that maybe just maybe Zoey won’t have as hard of a time as I thought. I am sort of in love with the time we are living in right now.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
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