And now a word from Tony...

Being on this side of the pregnancy is totally different.   Keeping “in the moment”, versus renting the bulldozer to level the neighbors houses that might “be an issue”.  LOL.   Mike and Megan have been amazing to be with on this journey.    While the feelings of excitement have not dwindled, and still feeling those feelings of when the baby came to us, there’s the reality of “put up or shut up” in getting ready.   What changes here besides virtually everything?   Will our friends love us even when we’re covered with spit-up and poopy?   Will we become “those” people that ONLY talk about our baby?  Ugh.

BTW, I’m not sure completely that our baby is alone.   Meaning only one.  One baby.   I’m ready for one baby.   Beyond that my head explodes.   How much of a sense of humor does the universe have?  My life is amazing on so many levels, someone who loves me for me, friends that are warriors in every sense, and Megan, who is becoming a part in our lives in ways I couldn’t have imagined.     Is there a Hallmark Thank You card for someone who gives you a baby?

 There are so many possibilities, and I’m overwhelmed.   But it feels right, and I accept that.

Window Shopping!!!

So we made a little trip to Babies R Us just to check things out

I had a blast looking at the cute little clothes!!

Tony fought with a stroller/carrier/carseat...

The stroller/carrier/carseat won.



MEGAN

Is an amazing person (obviously).  Even before this I loved her fiercely and was so attracted to her energy.  And now I am in awe and wonder of her.  That she has such huge capacity to love that she is willing to make our dreams come true.  I am grateful that she sees something in us that tells her this is the right thing to do. 

If you knew her you would know what I am talking about.  She brightens up a room with her very presence.  Her laugh makes you want to laugh before you know the joke.  She cares with her whole being.  These are the qualities that I hope our child gets.

I cannot wait to see her with our baby.  We could not have picked a better mother for our child.

This morning...

My husband is beautiful.  I mean he is absolutely gorgeous inside and out.  His job is such that he works two 24 hour shifts in a week, so usually he is still sleeping when I get up in the morning.  I like to take a couple minutes to watch him sleep and marvel and what an amazing man he is.

This morning as I looked over at him it hit me... he is going to be someone's dad!  He and I (and of COURSE Megan) have created life.  I was almost overwhelmed by the flood of emotions I had for him.  He will never ever truly be able to understand how grateful I am to him for making us parents.  How much I love him.  No matter who is the genetic contributor for this baby, it took all of us (and a team of lab technicians, nurses, and a doctor) to make this lifetime dream of ours a reality.  I almost woke him up to tell him everything I was feeling and thinking, but then I remembered that he is not so... happy when he first wakes up.

It's amazing how my perceptions are changing and shifting.  I THOUGHT I knew how I would feel when we got the positive test result, but I had no idea.  The rush of emotions I feel has been amazing.

I mean!

MUCH to my dismay Megan has made it perfectly clear that I will not be surrounding her with yellow caution tape and packing peanuts.  Something about not wanting to look like a freak show, or not being able to function… blah blah blah, what about MY needs? 

Tony and Megan have ALSO banned me from trying to purchase ultrasound equipment online!  I mean for the love of Janet Jackson!  Can you believe what I am up against?

WOO HOO!!!

It’s funny what a difference a day makes.  Don’t you think?  Saturday morning I woke up, had breakfast, texted Megan to see if she had taken her early test, which was negative as we expected, and waited for my husband to come home from work.   I was looking forward to a lazy day with him.  Fast forward a few hours and Megan texts me to see if Tony and I were local.  Her ADORABLE daughter wanted to bring us something.   Tony was just getting home and we started getting everything ready for a visit with our favorite four year old.  Cartoons on the TV, fire trucks on the floor, etc. 

Megan texts me to tell me they have arrived and as I go to let them in I notice that princess is not with her.  “Where is S?” I ask.  Then I notice that Megan has the biggest smile on her face and is holding something in her hand.  “I’M PREGNANT!”  she says.  And there they are.  The two most beautiful pink lines you have ever seen in your life.  I immediately start crying and pull her into my arms.  The moment I have waited for my entire life is here.  I am in complete shock and cannot stop, nor do I want to stop, the tears from streaming down my face. 

Together we go in to tell Tony.  Tony is standing in the living room and as we come in we say in unison “We’re Pregnant!!”  I see the flash of shock on Tony’s face, followed immediately by the tears I expected.  Tony pulled Megan into his arms while I said a silent prayer of thank you to God then I joined them in a three way hug. 

As it turns out Megan told me a fib and the test was positive, as was the next test she took and the third that she took the next day.  I love that she did that.  Because the way we found out that we were going to be parents was perfect.  

Tony and I spent all day Saturday just crying, laughing, hugging, followed by more crying, laughing and hugging;  Sometimes doing all three at once. 

For me this was the best day of my life, tied only with the day I fell in love with my husband.  Something I have not shared in this blog previously is that I spent my teens and 20’s in active addiction.  I was a complete and total mess.  Meth, other drugs and alcohol completely enslaved me for the majority of my life.  Five and a half years ago, on July 10, 2005 I got loaded for the very last time. I finally had enough and pulled myself out of the dumpster and have been completely clean and sober since July 11, 2005.  My recovery will always be my priority.  I know I don’t get to have any of this without it.

However, this day is better than anything ever.  Better than being accepted into a ridiculously competitive program in college, better than graduating from college, better than anything I have ever experienced in my life.

Tony and I are both staying in this moment right now, we know soon enough the fear, and panic will set in.  But for right now, in this moment, I am truly blessed and grateful. 

Megan is already glowing.  She was already beautiful, and now she looks amazing.

EQUALITY DAY!

What a day!  So Megan and I went to our state capital today to advocate for our clients (we both work in social services with a marginalized population) and as a bonus we also got a chance to advocate and lobby to change our states laws on surrogacy!  As it stands right now our state does not allow compensation for women who choose to be surrogates.  There is also a lot of gray area in our state's law regarding surrogacy in general.  Fortunately Tony and I have an amazing attorney and the three of us are covered, especially since we our in what is called a "compassionate" surrogacy aggreement (as if women who are compensated are less compassionate).  However, it was still thrilling to be championing issues that we fight against every day in our professional life and as well as for other families!

Here we are!  Fighting the fight!!!

Round #2

I know we have been sort of MIA.  All of three of us are really just trying to be mellow this time.  The good news is that we have just completed the second attempt and are cautiously optimistic.  I think that we all got very excited and caught up in that excitement last month.  That excitement is absolutely still there, it was just more disapointing then I think we had considered.  It will happen when it is supposed to happen I know, I just wish the universe would get on board with my time frame.  LOL.

Nothing yet...

So we knew that the chances of it working the first time were pretty low, but we were hopeful.  We're not pregnant this month, but looking forward to our next shot in a little over a week.