Saturday, January 28, 2012

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Guuuuurl puuhleeease!

Way before Zoey was born I read in someone’s blog how their 2 year old was having a 2 year old “moment” in a store and this lady had the NERVE to approach the parents and ask where the child’s mother was.  GIIIIIRL, I was incensed and it wasn’t even my story.  I shared this with our surrogate who replied “If that happens with this baby you have to tell them that YOU ARE THE MOTHER”.  I thought this was delicious and have been secretly DYING for my moment.  However, we live in a pretty progressive area and so far no one has even batted an eye.  I am sure there were some comments we didn’t hear, but for the most part we have been treated pretty well.

Then today I thought it was going to happen.  I was putting Zoey into her stroller at the mall and I noticed this “soccer mom” type watching me intently as she loaded up her kids.  I could tell by her expression that she had seen my marriage equality bumper sticker, and was probably praying for mine and Zoey’s very souls.  As I adjusted Zoey’s hat, tucked her blankets in, and slipped the diaper bag into the stroller I mentally started rehearsing my speech.  I was stretching my neck getting ready for the best “OH NO YOU DIIII IIINT” head rolls when she and her kids rolled past us.  I boldly met her gaze as she got closer, just waiting.  THEN SHE SMILED!  And what is worse she stopped and said Zoey was GORGEOUS (I mean duh).  And even worse than that is as she turned to leave she said “You’re obviously a really good mommy”!  THAT….WOMAN stole my moment!!!!!  CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?!?

What I learned from this moment is that when I judge people before I know them I am as bad as the people who oppose me.  I created a whole SCENARIO in my head because of what I THOUGHT she was thinking of me. 

I am sure we will have a moment where someone will say something stupid, but in the mean time I need to focus on all the positive energy that has been directed at us.  I need to focus on the fact that maybe just maybe Zoey won’t have as hard of a time as I thought.  I am sort of in love with the time we are living in right now.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

7 weeks old!!!

And Justice for all...

It is a crazy time in our state right now.  We are on the verge of becoming the 7th state (Plus DC) to make marriage equality a reality!!  I came out 22 years ago ( I was 7… yeah 7), and I have to tell you back then this wasn’t something I ever thought was going to happen anywhere.  Currently we has the “Everything But Marriage” law, which means we have all the rights and responsibilities, but not the title.  I used to think that this was enough.  When I was younger I thought that just having the same rights were enough, I mean who cares about what it was called right?  Wrong.  The flaw in that logic is that I believed that at the time when I truly planned to never ever settle down with one person forever.  I was too busy and had too many plans.  Now that I have met my match AND have started a family with that match, I want the whole kit and caboodle.  Just like everyone else.
I teared up when the 25th senator, a conservative democrat announced that she would vote yes for the marriage equality bill.  A few years ago we were here.  In this same place and we did not get that last vote needed.  One vote away.  And here we are.  Tony and I will be at gives me the chills.  

Of course there is a possibility that it will go to a referendum and we will have to fight like hell to keep it.  Tony and I will RUN to the courthouse as soon as we can when it goes through, as to avoid that whole mess that California had to deal with.

I know a lot of folks are holding their breath, waiting for it to be all signed and sealed.  For right now I am going to celebrate that we are THIS close.  It feels good, almost like what I would imagine being a first class citizen feels like.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

poop, pee, spit up OH MY!

Papa here folks.
It’s been a while since I myself have blogged, as the sleep deprivation of a newborn was WAY underestimated by me.     I am very grateful that I could use my vacation and sick leave to be off during this time for Zoey, as it’s been a “vertical” learning curve to get into her routine.   I’ve got one week left till I return to work, and I can’t say I miss it at all.    While it’s been great for paying the bills and making this life come together, it’s now just a job, and it will be hard to be away from my new family.

Mike and I lately haven’t always gotten to sleep together, as we take “shifts” in her overnight care.   The diaper changes and bottle feedings with us BOTH responding to her cries wasn’t working.   We’d both try to get up, and both end up exhausted.

Each day Zoey becomes more and more like a baby and less like a newborn.  She’s animated.   She’s learning what to do to get our attention.   She responds to us.   One of my favorite moments this last week was to see Zoey laugh at Mike.    It melted my heart.    She allows me calm her down when I talk to her over “Tummy Time”.    Although for whatever reason, whenever I put her down for tummy time she goes to sleep.     Must be my no nonsense sparkling personality.

Mike and I have had to have to take time to go out without Zoey and rediscover each other.    There’s a lot folks will tell you before a baby is born about the sleep loss, the distractions from your marriage.   Frankly, I blew off all the comments.   Every one of them.    Ironically, every one of the things I remember being told has come true.   Staring at each other over a restaurant table without the baby seems strangely awkward now….  And then the waitress dumped a plateful of Aus Jus on my leg, whew, now I feel at home!!

There have been moments of clarity in the changes for us.   For instance, I went to the store the other day without checking myself in the mirror, as Mike and I were starving.   I noticed people were looking at me, I assumed it was from my “mountain man” look (I might go an extra day without shaving).  When I got back and went to use the restroom I found the pancake size spit-up stain Zoey left on me.   I frankly cannot imagine what people thought when they saw that walking around the store.  “Does that guy even know he’s covered in spit-up???”

The house is closer to being ready, as we have to prepare to leave Tacoma soon to move into it.   There’s going to be a flurry of cleaning, quickly follow by boxes, furniture, then a baby.   All of our setup for Zoey in the apartment goes out the window with the move, and we finally settle into what we intended from the start, our family in the house.   Just in time for the spring flowers to start growing…..

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

And the winner is.... MEEEE... I mean us. Yeah US!

I would like to thank Janet Jackson for this award... Sorry I have always wanted to say that in a sentence. Jeni over at Love Makes A Family honored us with this award, and truthfully made me tear up just a tiny (a lot) bit. Especially because I think her blog is so far beyond amazing and if you haven't already checked it out, you really should.

The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.
Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:
§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them
§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
§ Post the award on your blog
§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers
§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing.

So here are my 5 picks, and this was not easy due to all of the AMAZING blogs out there!

So go check out these blogs!  You won't be sorry! 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Our Papa Bear...

There’s this magic thing that happens when you fall in love.  It’s like the whole world stops for just a moment, just for the two of you.  When I met Tony it was like everything started to fall into place.  True, he was a super hot and an uber butch FIREFIGHTER, but even deeper than that the first time we made eye contact I knew I was in trouble.  I knew my fierce independence and serial “dating” days were long behind me… and for the first time ever that did not scare me. 
The early days.

Being in love with him, developing our relationship, and growing our family hasn’t always been easy. There are days when I have wanted to strangle him (of course from his perspective I am sure I have only ever been kind and loving).  However, it has always been worth itI never knew it was possible to love someone like I love him.  And now we get to raise this perfect, beautiful, amazing little girl together.  She will be smart, funny, and her heart will be capable of so much empathy and compassion because of her amazing father.

Love at first sight

Tony is this big giant beefy guy.  He doesn’t understand how is jeans are supposed to fit, why his shoes need to match his shirt, or why the clothes that he LOVED in the 90s are not appropriate for anything other than costume wear today.  He likes football and military history documentaries… he is the epitome of “butch”… and Zoey and I own his heart.

Tony always positions himself between me and strangers on the street.  Now that Zoey is here he is like our very own Body Guard (Think Kevin Costner) or Secret Service Agent.  On our first walk with Zoey in the stroller, a squirrel made the mistake of coming within 30 feet of us, Tony showed him who was boss by chasing away the “danger”.  “Just in case the rat got the wrong idea”.  Later when we got home he pulled out a giant hammer from his inside coat pocket!!  Because some dog might have attacked us!  I know it seems over protective, and maybe it is.  The truth is Tony will mellow out, BUT he will always protect his baby with everything he has.

I feel like I am falling in love with him all over again.  I watch this GIANT man so completely enraptured with this tiny little girl, and my heart is full.  I watch his huge paws ever so gently undresss her for bath, change her diaper, or pat her back as he burps her.  I can only barely hear the murmuring of his voice as he smiles and shares secrets with his daughter, but I can tell that whatever he is saying is utterly fascinating to her.  When he sings lullabies to her she snuggles in and just looks at him as if her is made of chocolate.

And then there are the moments where she is in his arms and we make eye contact over her head and smile, knowing that we made this family.  I know that he loves her as much as I do, that he will protect her with his very life.  There is a new kind of magic in that.  I love him even more than I did before, and if you had told me that would be the case before Zoey was born, I would have told you it was impossible to love him more then I did then… and I was so wrong.

Pure magic

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

1 month PHOTO SHOOT!

The real deal

The past 5 weeks have been the most amazing time of my entire life. Actually this whole past year has been amazing. The reality of being a parent far exceeds anything I ever fantasized about. Zoey brightens my world on a daily basis and I still look at her every day and think“HOLY CRAP! We have a daughter, and she’s beautiful!” Having said that there are some things I wish I had paid better attention to before she was born. I know that some of you are waiting for your perfect little baby (ies), and if you’re like me you can’t imagine it being anything other than perfect. It is perfect… and harder than I thought. So I wanted to share the things I wish I had paid more attention to.
Soak up the one on one time with your partner now. I thought because Tony and I wanted this baby so badly, that we would be content with doing things together with the baby. We are, but we also sort of miss each other. I mean miss snuggling for hours, holding hands on the couch while watching TV, or just being close when one or both of us aren’t smelling like spit up, poop, or breast milk.
There will be no time to do anything. I have learned to break up chores into 5 minute increments. I have just enough time to fold three outfits, wash 2 dishes, or dust one table in between times when the baby wants me. I LAUGH at myself now because I thought, “I am a very organized person, I will NEVER have unfolded laundry, or dishes in the sink, etc. I will just time manage better”… Sigh... oh the naiveté.
You’re going to change. He/she is going to change. Your relationship is going to change. That is not meant to scare anyone, but it’s true. I have changed, my priorities have changed, and my thought process has changed. Tony’s have too. It’s all for the good, but sometimes it’s hard to catch up with all the changing emotions, thoughts, and circumstances.
And last… the thing I wasn’t able to conceive of at all, but thought I knew. You’re life is going to be so much better. DIFFERENT for sure, and that will take adjustment. There are mornings where all Zoey wants to do is make eye contact. We just sit and stare at each other, she coos and I gush at how pretty she is. Inevitably I end up in tears.
Get ready for the best most amazing time of your life. Smooches!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

4 weeks old!

Dear Zoey,
You are 4 weeks old.  It seems like you have been here with Papa and I forever.  I think because we have been waiting for you for so long.  I have to tell you that the reality of being your dad is nothing like my day dreams… it is so much better.  Every single morning (EARLY EARLY morning) when I see you my heart flip flops and I love you even more than the day before.  You are the best thing I have ever been a part of.

 Zoey 4 weeks ago..

 And today

You are amazingly strong and scare us to death with the way you whip your head around.  You smiled at me this morning for the first time.  Oh you have had smiles, but this was the first one that I could say for certain was an ACTUAL smile.  You made eye contact with me, I smiled, and you smiled back.  It was amazing and I spent the next 20 minutes trying to get you to do it again. 

There is nowhere you would rather be than in our arms, and we happily oblige you.

I love you so much my little baby girl.  Happy 4 week birthday!

All my love,