Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Mama...

Besides the obvious, one of the best gifts we have received through this journey is our relationship with Megan.  We recently got a really great suggestion to post about what the relationship between Megan and this child will be after the birth (THANKS BOBBY).

Tony and I will be this baby’s legal parents.  Our names will be on the birth certificate and the baby will live with us.  However, it is very important to all of us that the baby knows where he or she comes from, and will be able to see Megan whenever they want.  Megan in turn will also be able to see and spoil this child whenever she wants.  We will tell the baby that Mama Megan (or whatever Megan wants to be called) grew him or her in her tummy for Daddy and Papa and that all of us loved and wanted him or her VERY much. 

We all want the baby to be able to not only have a relationship with Megan and his or her sister, but to know that he or she was wanted and loved fiercely by everyone it took to make him or her.

Megan’s daughter will be welcome in our home as if she lives there.  Megan really wants them to know each other and Tony and I agree. 

7 weeks 1 day

I saw your heart beating today.  It was… amazing.  The best sight I have ever seen.  Your Papa, your big strong papa, started crying when he saw the flutters on the screen.  I was tearing up before the image even came on the screen.  The doctor says you are doing well, and all of three of us (Daddy, Papa, and Mama Megan) all took a collective sigh of relief. 

I think of you all the time.  I wonder what is going on with you and if you are safe and happy.  I am sure that this is just the very beginning of having those thoughts for the rest of my life.  You’re here and you are safe.  For the moment my world is still, just knowing that.

You’re just a tiny little thing, but you are not at all shy about making your presence known.  For such a little jelly bean of a thing you are causing having havoc on your Mama’s body.  She is a champ though and hardly complains.  Through the sickness and exhaustion she keeps a smile on her face and is just happy to know that you are safe.

The next 7 ½ months are going to teach me a lot about patience, I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, see your face, hear you cry, and count your little fingers and toes.

I have never, in my whole life, loved anything as much as I love you.    

Monday, April 18, 2011


We had a dry run this weekend.  We had the opportunity to babysit what has to be the most adorable and well behaved 9 month old baby in the world.  I am happy to report that we did pretty well!  The baby and my husband were both alive at the end of the day and we had a blast.  Tony spent a good portion of the day on Friday baby proofing.  I did not get to witness first hand him crawling around the floor looking for anything a baby might find our get into, however here is a pic of what he did to every sharp corner in our home.

yes... that is bubble wrap.  LOL

Here is Tony checking to make sure the baby is breathing in our make shift crib on the love seat…

It was a great day and it gave us an opportunity to see how well we work as a team with a baby.  And let me tell you seeing Tony feed, play with, comfort, and hold this baby made my sympathetic uterus skip a beat.  He was amazing with him.  Later he equated changing a dirty diaper to when he was first learning to disassemble, clean and reassemble an M-16 when he was in the Marines…. yeah, he really did. 

It was hard to let the little one go when his mommy came to pick him up.  But our baby will be here before we even know it and I for one cannot wait to meet him or her.

Friday, April 15, 2011


Earlier I posted that we did not receive the best response from some of our gay friends when we told them we were going to move ahead with surrogacy.  Well as it turns out after the initial shock those people are completely supportive and happy for us, even if they do not understand why we want to be parents.  And as an added bonus now that we have come completely “out of the closet”, so to speak, we are surrounded by more love, support, and advice than we could have ever imagined!  We are so grateful for the people in our lives, especially our family and our friends that are also family.

On a different note I have been having the WORST nightmares.  The other night I dreamt that I was changing the baby and I had only one wipe.  The more I wiped the little tushy, the more poop that appeared.  Until the next thing I knew the baby was completely covered in POOP!  Then last night I dreamt that our baby was a super tiny (the size of an egg) fully formed baby.  This wasn’t the scary part and in my dream that seemed natural.  The scary part was that I put the baby down and could not remember where!  I looked all over the place and could hear it crying, but could not find it anywhere! 
I woke up covered in sweat.  I wonder if it would be appropriate to have one of those little clapper things attached to the baby.  You know the thing in the 80’s that you put on your key ring so if you lost your keys you could just clap and find them?   Just in case.

Monday, April 11, 2011

And now the emotional fall out....

So I saw our little blob today.  I mean there isn’t really much to see just yet, but somehow just seeing that something is in there changed me.  I am sort of getting used to that; the huge changes happening inside me every day.  It started when Megan first said that she was pregnant.  I was overwhelmed at the intensity of the emotions that followed.  I expected them, but no one prepared me for how strong they would be.  This amazing love and concern I feel for this blob of cells that isn’t much bigger than the period at the end of this sentence frightened me at first.  I have to admit for the last few weeks I was walking around in a complete daze.  I was simultaneously thrilled beyond belief, terrified to my core, and worried to death.  Throw in the fertility nurses saying multiples were possible, and I was a HOT MESS!  I think it was sort of like emotional growing pains.  This morning when I woke up just had this feeling that everything would be fine.  No matter how many babies were in there, or anything else that could come our way, we would be just fine because we have each other.   However, yet again I was not prepared for the intensity of seeing that little blob.  Our baby.  Our beautiful little blob of a baby.   I thought that I would burst into tears when I saw it, but instead just a few tears came as I stared in awe at the circle.  Once the Dr. said everything looked perfect I was relieved, but I still just stared.   We all left the clinic ecstatic and jovial.  It wasn’t until just a few minutes ago, when I was all alone that the entire truth washed over me.  Now the tears I have been expecting are streaming down my face as I stare at the picture of our baby/blob.  This is really happening!  There is really a baby in there and he/she is okay.  We created life and that is just the beginning.  Thank you God.  Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you! 


So we had our first ultrasound today and all is well!!!  Tony almost passed out because Megan's HCG levels are so high which could have been an indicator of multiples.  But as it turns out we have just one perfect little baby!!!

Tony almost passing out before the scan

Megan getting ready yo!

One perfect little blessing!!  Thank you God!

Megan is doing great and all three of us are beyond happy!!!

Friday, April 1, 2011


So we received the confirmation blood test today and we are DEFINITELY pregnant.  In fact Megan’s HCG level is 483!!!  They were expecting it to be about 50.  What does this mean?  Well it means that our baby is healthy and safe…. Or it means that there is more than one.  We will have a better idea when she gets the results of her second Beta test on Monday.

More than one.

More than one baby crying for a bottle, diaper change, attention at a time.

More than one little pudding to love and care for and watch grow into adulthood.

More than one little person to worry about and love with all our hearts.

Obviously we are thrilled that the number means our little one (s) is/are safe and doing okay.  If we have two we will be overwhelmed and full of love. 

We will keep you posted!!!